the beauty of ‘not having’
We tend to be conditioned to live our desire, in this case is in terms of people that we want to be in our life. We want her/him/them, we strive for her/him/them. Fueled by the phrase of ‘not having’, we’re constantly going toward what we assumed we immensely long for. In general, we settle ourselves into the idea of getting what we dreamed of is the biggest source of blissfulness we could receive from. And it’s not even infrequent that the part of that pie is the happiness we thought it relies on how somebody else bestows and not bestow upon us — got complimented, accompanied, commitment given by our lover, and whatsoever.
To struggle, is the most possible way to be tough. To live up our desire, is a thing we perceive as a method to be content. That’s not the issue here, I suppose. So go get them, chase them, manifest for having them.
Along the way we’re reaching our hunger, there’d be things out of our hand that could go in our way to be full. If it’s an inner-threat, we can always evaluate it and give us another couple of trials, and I guess this is not even the thing that could be out of our hand that I mentioned before in the first place, though.. But if it comes not from within that keeps haunting us down, stopping has always been a choice. The idea of that part of the pie that our happiness relies on how somebody else delegates their initial joy supplies to us becomes questionable. And sometimes, we must let go of that idea and start creating another one.
There are times when we let go of ourselves in order to be with them; we let go of our freedom to be who we want to be by letting them construct our life to become the life they wanted for us, and beside destruct the life WE wanted.
The phrase of ‘not having’ is not something that should be a pure fear-mongering to have the desire you long for. Maybe it is created for us to reminisce about what we actually deserve to have. We don’t have them today (or we’re about to not have them), because we may not deserve to have them. Let them leave if they want to leave. Don’t beg them to stay. They will stay only if they want to, and we don’t want a pity to underly the engagement between us and them. Let us loose the grip, otherwise it is just making us dragged down. And we know it’s not even a grip already when we hang on into it, we just keep losing ourselves. Let them go, holding back won’t turn anything around. We’re not supposed to always feel happy every time after all. Not every minute of our lives have to be filled. Some gaps are just beautiful as they are. The writing that doesn’t contain any enter in between is just going to make us feel dizzy to read. Our clothes wouldn’t work the way it supposed to do if the stitch keeps lining from left to right, up to bottom. So does being alone and silent, it allows us to hear every sound that floats, including the sound of our guts trying to tell us what we deserve to have. That sound will break out eventually turn into a big, loud sound that demand us to be aware and do something about it.
The unfortunate of the fact that no one can fully hand the happiness to us is parallel with the fact that anyone can take it away instead, unless we don’t let them to do so. We have a solid control to command what charms us. Escort people who wants to come and stay, but let the exit door remain opened for people who wants to leave. Because not every people in our lives meant to have us as their final path. Sometimes they just wish to have a place to temporarily stopping by to have a rest, and our lives are the chosen one. Have some surrender. That doesn’t always mean we’re defeated. Taking two steps-back may actually cause us to run faster. Some things may work out better than we have designed them to be.
The fact that there’s always gotta be a countless way to love somebody, but there’s no sufficient way to make somebody love us if they don’t and don’t want to. That’s one bitter truth that I’m not gonna let that sink. Our lives are beyond the fact of the ‘not having’. It is more defined by the belief of ours about what we actually deserve to have.
