Nothing’s New about Sadness

“So, what’s now?” Here it starts again. After several days back we were on the edge, I’m finally brave enough to start questioning about this untold mess. Maybe I just delay the sorrowful I may feel. We both know that we’ve been slow dancing in a burning room. We know that this room is just going to tear us up and apart, but we just keep postponing the certain phase. We were just slow dancing in the middle of fire instead.

“I don’t know. It just faded away. I don’t think I can commit with you for any longer. It’s better for us to be separated, like we used to be. Don’t you think so?” He answered pretty bluntly. I almost said “Nah, I don’t think it’s better that way. You may do, but not me.”

“If that’s what you want, please lead us to the end,” was what really came out from my mouth.

“Are you gonna be fine? Aren’t you gonna be sad?” For God’s sake, for what he has said to me, why would he still care for what I may feel.

What about being sad? Why is it if I’m sad after all? We’re human. Sad is just an ordinary feeling that we’re used to feel almost everyday or maybe even everyday. No matter how big or small it is, we’re always familiar with such particular emotion. What’s new about sadness? We always know how it feels. Don’t even ask me about that. I love you wholeheartedly even though you are one-globe away from me, with all time difference and the distance, I still manage to maintain my feelings for you. There should be nothing that got in the way from me to feel mournful if this all come to an end, not even that one stupid question. How the fuck could this make me fine? I knew that you just wanted to reassure your own comfort by hearing that I’m gonna be just alright.

“Sure, I’ll be fine if this decision is going to make you nothing but better. So please don’t mind me.” At the very last of our moment, I still fed up his desire to hear what he wanted to hear instead, by telling a hurtful deceit.

And then I cried for the next nearly 2 years ahead.